the rumors are true.

i haven't brushed my teeth since about 11 o'clock am on friday. i still stand by the fact that it is not my fault.

my flight here was really long, but very eventful. first of all, i saw jordan knight at the airport. i swear, it had to have been him. if i had talked to him, i would have told him that there was nothing more gay than putting out a cd in the 2000's of redone new kids on the block songs. bad move.

then, the airport had the thanksgiving parade on...but it was not macy's thanksgiving parade. i started a rally and we all began chanting, "hell no. what's this show??!!??" not really, i just boycotted it by standing directly under the tv so i wouldn't have to watch them slaughter the best thing that happens on thanksgiving day...well, besides everything else that happens on thanksgiving.

and then there was the guy in front of me from austin to dallas. APPARENTLY, this fool had done a little drinking the night before. so the entire hour, all i could smell was him sweating alcohol. my second most unfavorite smell...the first being mildew. thank you mr. i-am-gonna-sleep-off-my-hangover-in-front-of-you. oh, and let us not forget the guy who sat next to me who insisted on analyzing my fidgeting. i would like to thank him for many minutes of awkwardness.

and then there was lunch. what is there to eat at dallas-love? mcdonald's. so, i had a traditional thanksgiving lunch, also known as a cheeseburger. and i used every bit of money i had to buy it. i gave all i had to that cheeseburger and what did it give me? a stomach ache for two days on the two days that you don't want a stomach ache.

the flight from dallas to lubbock might have been the best flight i have ever taken. a seven year old boy came and sat by me, and i was really annoyed...being that the seats next to me had been previously empty. but then, he decided to read to me, for the entire trip. dr. seuss. my idea of paying attention to his reading was staring at the guy caddy-corner to us. my staring was for one of two purposes.

a: i was trying to figure out what book he was reading.
b: i was trying to figure out what suit he would look better in at our wedding.

so, 4 books later, i arrived in lubbock to spend countless hours with my family and a few quality hours with my friends. i love you all, and it was great to see you...especially the taylors who were neglected the last visit.

see you all in about a month.

code red.

i just dyed my white chef's coat...blue.

i am so dead.

the story of the scorpion.

yeah. that's right. a scorpion.

it was saturday afternoon. nothing too special going on. the barbeque that we had planned on going to got cancelled due to weather, so it looked to be a long day inside with nothing to do. i went into my room and saw a spot on my ceiling that was not normally there. i stand on my bed to examine it, just to make sure it wasn't a wasp's nest or something, and i was appauled at what i saw instead. a scorpion. i screamed and yelled for becky to come in. she, being the extremely brave sister that she is, decides to get the broom and attempt to kill it. but the scorpion must have had some kind of scorpy-sense and therefore unrolled his 12 foot long tail, skidded across the ceiling, dropped down, and wriggled under the carpet.

scorpion: 1. johnson's: 0.

so, being the proactive girl that i am, i go down to the office and tell them of our little mishap, all the while giving the scorpion time to go to his lair and start a revolt against 332. the office was of little help. they gave me some stupid a** glue traps to defeat the revolt of the insect world against the human world. whatever. i put the faggy things out just to put myself a little more at ease, and sleep in becky's room for the same reason.

day two. we awake to find a scorpion stuck to the glue trap!! poor old fool got his tail stuck, and then tried to grap the trap with his houge claw only to get stuck more.

shame on me for doubting the power of glue.

with the hitler of the revolution caught, no scorpion dare enter our apartment.

scorpions: 0. johnson's: 1.

okay...no more maurice stories. sorry i have bored you all thus far with emails from him. if anything important happens, i will let you guys know...but don't hold your breath. as for right now, i am going to see bridget jones' diary dos.

johnson out.

another email from maurice...

Hey Lady,
Hunting has taken a great twist...I found a Condo on Tuesday that I am looking at purchasing. It is so incredibly fine that I will be crushed if it doesn't work out. The week has blown by rather quickly, but it is OK for the most part. ( Monday night I went to a swinging party on theWest-side )
I should be at the BB-Q on Sat if it doesn't rain, but no other plans for the weekend. By the way you don't have to have something interesting to write in order to spread the sunshine of emails.
See ya,
Maurice W.

i am starting to hate the male gender. or at least this one.

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...
We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain
Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...
We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread
Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need
So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...
We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessd beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...
But, Jesus, would You please ...

okay. so. it's time for the xx-xy affair on my blog.

so. there's a boy. a boy that i have mentioned on my blog more than once. for safety's sake, his name will be maurice. when i first met maurice, he had a girlfriend. we had a lot of fun that weekend, and had he not had a girlfriend, i definately would have made out with him. just kidding. but i would have loved him...probably even more than i loved hogan from david crowder's band. anyways, now he is not tied down...and what a coincidence...neither am i! so...we have been emailing some, so i thought i would share the mixed messages (haha...get it...messages...emails...haha...) i have been recieving.

email number two: (number one is not very important...he gave me his phone numbers and said we would talk when i got back to austin)

You sent me your phone number the other day, but it got erased on my system. Might I get your digits one more time? What time is the littleshin-dig tonight? I had some plans, but they may be cancelled so there is a good chance I can come tonight. Can I crash there? Just kidding...and no poop humor for 2 months.

okay. so...in girl brain...this email was a good sign. and he did come over...in tapered pants. BUT...i still loved him. my mom calls that "growing up." i call it "love is blind." anyways, as becky describes the evening, we "paired off" the whole night. we just talked...no big deal. no good night kiss...a SIDE hug...really not much to talk about other than a few statements that one could read into. so the next morning i recieve email number three.

Hey Lady,I really had a great time last night...thanks again. Let me know when you all are having another slamming night. You 2 ladies are a lot of fun and I'm enjoying getting to know you both. Gotta run...I have someMillion $$$ deals to close at my big important job, so talk to you more later.~Maurice W.

this. this is the "i like you as a friend" email. i am enjoying getting to know you BOTH. you TWO ladies are a lot of fun. grr. and then he signed it Maurice W. so formal. so now...i am totally pissed off. but, i thought i would try and get everyone else's opinion. be harsh. today is the day to do it...cause i am totally annoyed with the BOTH email.

what drama there is in austin.

oh. my. gosh. my blog sucks.

hello all. i had a safe return to lubbock. for all of those that i didn't get to see, or didn't get to see for more than 5 minutes, i am deeply sorry. i love you all, and it was great to see your faces again. the drive back went really fast. i made it a point to listen to all the cd's that i hadn't listened to in a while. so, i had some pax217, seven day jesus, harry connick, jr., jack johnson's brush fire fairytales...a good time was had by all, and by all, i mean me. i will be back in lubbock in about 3 weeks for thanksgiving...will anyone be in town?

why i oughta...

so i have tried like 4 different times to post, and they have all been unsuccessful. so if this actually makes it to so fresh and so clean, i will be completely shocked.

halloween went without a hitch for many people. i didn't dress up as anything. but this one guy did ask me if i was dressed up as a witch, and for that, i will kill him. becky went to a halloween party dressed up as the devil, and we went to a halloween party and saw a guy dressed up as calvin and hobbes...except his costume sucked. he had a sarong on and he was carrying an alf doll with a sign that said "tiger". doing what the johnson's do best...we made fun of him all night...AND we didn't even know him. reminds me of someone i know that has huge fingers...i think you know who you are.

an in more important news, the guy i was in love with that had a girlfriend, has one no longer. things are getting more interesting here in austin. becky found a girl here that is an "observer" as we like to call ourselves, and she gave us the scoop on everyone, including the above juicy information. how i love people that sit back and watch.

and, in most important news, the oc comes back on thursday. becky will be in cali, flying on a private jet, staying on the beach, shopping in beverly hills with money that her employers gave her...it's tough to be becky j. but i will be watching the oc, and maybe peeing my pants with excitement. well, have to have an open discussion on friday to see what everyone thought about it.

and for now, i am stopping, because i think i would be terribly frustrated if i wrote an amazing post and it didn't even publish it. yeah, that's why i wrote a mediocre blog...cause i didn't want to waste my time on pure genius that no one would ever see. yeah.