welp, the time has come. today is my last entry for a long time, if not forever. it's been great the past year and a half. you were there for my ugly mustard, ketchup, blue and green phase, my shout out and out shouts, and even my hideous drawings. thanks for being what i look forward to every morning and what we can never talk about outloud without our true dorkiness being exposed.

farewell my fellow bloggers.

tomorrow there will be a bbq. all are welcome, as long as they bring their own meat. and some people can bring chips, and some can bring drinks. there will be more information later...me and the taylor's gots ta talk.

but save the date!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THE DUDE!

do you guys remember the band judah? no? how about between thieves? no? oh. well i do. with hits like two pennies and the geneology song, how could you not?

let's take this back to, say, 1995. judah was my first band obsession. i was in 9th grade. i saw them every time they came to lubbock, and once i even went to plainview to see them. i owned every cd they had out (well, actually their tapes). and i loved jesse reeves.

jesse reeves. my first band crush. and oh how i loved him. heck, i almost went to dbu because he had gone there.

and with that, there is only one word for myself. psycho.

and no. you can't call me that too. only i can.

welp. flash forward almost 10 years. i was looking on chris tomlin's website, and who did i find? jesse reeves.

jesse reeves.

yep, that's right. he's in chris tomlin's band. too bad he got married 3 years after he met me. i guess he waited as long as he could.

so, i hereby dedicate this post to judah. rest in peace dear judah.

elaichi is gross spelled backwards.

heather, becky and i went to the gandhi bazaar saturday in search of hidden treasure. instead we found elaichi treats. they looked promising...kind of like pinapple cream cookies. little did we know that elaichi is the spice of death. a spice. in my cookie. i gagged. twice. i also think that i was semi buzzed from this little elaichi cookie of mine. my heart raced. i was dizzy. this was just not right.

but heather and i did find a jewel. t-mart. it's the most ghetto-fab store i have ever been in. i bought hot pink and lime green tights for .99 cents a piece, a bright pink sweatband for 1.49, and some 80's hair clips for .99. oh t-mart. how i love you. and if you ever need a huge 2 foot long red ponytail, that's the place to go.

oh. as of august 14th, 2004, the weird kid's making a comeback.

15 days until we move to austin, and the wait has just about become unbearable. my life has been in limbo for so long, and now i am just ready to have it be stable and secure. as stable and secure as moving to a city 6 hours from home can be.

speaking of being away from home, everyone is back from california, and it pretty much feels like they never left. the only thing that hints their absense is longer hair, bigger muscles, darker skin, and newer clothes. i wonder if they feel the same way. i know i did when i came back from yosemite. it was almost like it had been this huge elaborate dream, and nothing more. the things that happened to me in yosemite will never fully be told. the smells, the tastes, the visions could never fully be expressed, even if i tried thousands of years to do so.

and speaking of yosemite, i had a dream that one of my friends from yosemite proposed to me. i guess i said yes cause i was showing everyone my ring that was like two sizes too big. i remember him saying it was a little less than a carat. tim, in real life, was the first person that made me question the importance of dating a christian. it's hard when you know that they would treat you better than all of the boys that you have dated in the past. to tim, i hung the mooon. he was intrigued by the things that christian guys can get in every christian girl. i was different, and a challenge, and he knew that. tim really did propose to me that summer, mind you it was with an adjustable ring while he was drunk. just the way i always dreamed it would be.

why are you still single?

this was the msn quiz of the day. i pretended like it was for a girl.

It may seem like every guy except you has a committed, caring relationship with a woman who loves, trusts and respects him. With this kind of attitude, it's easy to see why single guys occasionally wonder why they're still single, howling the question at an uncaring sky. The question is "Why am I single?" but really what guys want to know is if they're merely unlucky or if there's something wrong with them. Take this quiz to find out:

1. When you go out dancing, you usually:
• Bust your funk with confidence (Score = 1)
• Show off at least reasonably accurate moves (Score = 2)
• Gyrate your hips while waving clenched fists in the air (Score = 3)
• Lurk at the bar and feel self-conscious (Score = 4)
• "Dance?" I do not "dance." I would twist my ankle. (Score = 5)

2. When considering why your last few relationships ended, you are generally:
• Honest and rational about the reasons, good or bad (Score = 1)
• Somewhat bitter, but Rome wasn't built in a day (Score = 2)
• Capable of at least some self-deception when assigning blame (Score = 3)
• Announce to the world that you were the innocent victim each and every time (Score = 4)
• Put on a Nine Inch Nails CD and curse all women (Score = 5)

3. The last five movies you saw were:
• Cold Mountain, Love Actually, You've Got Mail, Ghost and Under the Tuscan Sun (Score = 1)
• Elf, Paycheck, The Last Samurai, Master and Commander and Mona Lisa Smile (Score = 2)
• School of Rock, Stuck on You, The Cat in the Hat and Teacher's Pet (Score = 3)
• Star Wars, Scary Movie, American Wedding, Bad Santa and Torque (Score = 4)
• Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings and Lord of the Rings (Score = 5)

4. When asking a woman out on a date, you usually:
• Smile and say, "would you like to go out with me? Say ... Friday?" (Score = 1)
• Smile nervously and say, "would, uh, you know, if you want to, you know, go out?" (Score = 2)
• Take at least a week to muster up the courage (Score = 3)
• Take a week to muster up the courage and then take three sedatives before doing the deed (Score = 4)
• Hand her a note with the request, then run away as she reads it (Score = 5)

5. When it comes to personal hygiene, you:
• Brush, shave, shower, sculpt, buff and dust (Score = 1)
• Do miss the occasional shower, but always brush your teeth (Score = 2)
• Have been known to wear the same socks five days in a row (Score = 3)
• Haven't cleaned your bathroom in more than a month (Score = 4)
• Haven't cleaned yourself in more than a month (Score = 5)

Now total up your score and consult this chart to determine who's at fault — you or fate:

0-5: If you're single, it's neither for lack of trying nor any glaring flaws. Lady Luck just doesn't seem to like you — or, more likely, you haven't been single for long and probably won't be.

6-10: You're a pretty normal guy. Being single is a short-term situation for you, and the current run of bad luck probably won't hold. Keep it up, and be sure that your lonely nights don't allow you to slip to the next rung.

11-15: You have a few off-putting quirks. It's nothing that a little self-improvement can't fix, but your luck could stand to be better as well. Patience and tenacity will get you through in time.

16-20: You might want to consider dance lessons, anger management, broadening your cinematic horizons, building some self confidence and cleaning your filthy bathroom. Lots of men out there fall into this category, but you can't just blame bad luck for your unhitched status.

21-25: It's you. Lady Luck (being a lady, after all), took one look at you and threw her hands up in despair. You have a simple binary choice: Either work to conceal your shortcomings from potential mates, or resign yourself to bachelorhood. It's possible that you could be saved, and maybe claw your way up into the 11-15 range or even better, but it's going to require a lot of work.

16? oh. that explains it all. thank YOU msn.

who are you, oh mysterious burt reynolds?

i have been laughing to myself really hard all day because of this.

i hereby dedicate this post to matty riley. the ancient art of peeing with two rocks.

when peeing in the woods, it is important that you take the necessary precautions to avoid getting wet. these are similar to the precautions that guys need to take when peeing in the woods. guys need to worry about the wind. girls need to worry about the slope of the ground. i would most likely want ground that sloped back away from me, so the pee didn't run all over my shoes. but, the choosing of the rocks is the most vital choice. you want two rocks that are similar in height, and you definately do not want rocks with sharp edges. once you find two perfect rocks to put on your perfect slope, place them about 3 inches apart. put a cheek on each rock, and you've got yourself your own little makeshift toilet.

note that if you are going to poop, you'll need to dig a hole.

this is what me and margaret do at work all day. thought i would share our emails. enjoy.

MB: Have you seen the commercial for Brush ups by Oral B?

KJ: yeah, rip, zip, brush

MB: I would rather be locked in a room for 15 mins watching the Big and Rich video than watching a girl but a condom toothbrush on her finger!

KJ: hahahahahaha


editor's note: these are two seperate emails. and the second begins where our conversation ended.


MB: besides if you do not love him....

why do you care?

KJ: it's not that i don't like him...it's that he doesn't like me. so...what do you do, but forget about it until they ask you out...

MB: I didn't say like.. I said love.

KJ: haha...i don't LOVE him. i don't think... : )

MB: see.. that is what I love about you.

KJ: what?

MB: You will wait for him to ask you out.. and perhaps he is waiting for the same thing..

KJ: well...then that will never happen. i want a guy with balls. if he doesn't have the balls to ask me out...tough.

MB: I don't think it's a balls issue.. but I do not know this man and I am well aware of that!

KJ: so it's a me issue? like he wouldn't think i like him?

MB: no, not a you issue.. I think guys like it when girls ask them out.. it takes the whole load off. I haven't see the two of you together.. I don't know if he knows.

KJ: i don't think he would expect it. but i have never known it to go well when a girl pursues a guy.

i'm too opinionated for love.

MB: I am not opinionated?

KJ: no...but you already have love. my opinionated views are keeping me FROM love.

MB: my opinionated views are what keep me and Chris apart.

KJ: we should stop having an opinion. : )

MB: yes, be women of the 1800's.

KJ: haha..totally. with no right to vote. we cook, clean, and make babies. i bet their lives were way less difficult.

and way less happy.

MB: I agree.. could you live without indoor plumbing?

KJ: yeah, i have before. : ) all i need is two rocks.

whoa guys. enough with the comments already. blogger's gonna have to take me down for being big business.

THE ROAD TRIP FROM HELL

july 2002. i have been in yosemite national park for two months now. we are all a little homesick, and more sick of being stuck in the valley. ben needs to go to phoenix to break up with his girlfriend, and me and bj, shannon, and mike all decide to go with him. a ten hour drive, no big deal.

so we thought.

our pastor wouldn't let us leave right after worship on sunday like we had planned, so we decide to leave at 4 in the morning instead. much safer. i am the only one who went to bed between 11 and 4. everyone else thought that it's better to not sleep at all when you can only get 5 hours. mike drives the first shift since it's his car. we listen to switchfoot, and me and mike are the only one's that are awake. he's in the front, obviously, and i am in the back, waiting for my dramamine to kick in. and kick in it does, right about the time that we decide to stop for breakfast. i sleep in the booth while we are waiting. i sleep at the table while i am supposed to be eating. the waitress knows my name and brings me coffee. i sleep until bakersfield where we stop to get gas. although bakersfield's only 4 hours from the valley, there difference in the landscape is huge. the valley is beautiful. bakersfield is quasi-desert. since we have been in the desert land, we have found that the car has been running really hot for a while, so be buy some water to put in it, thinking maybe it's just dry.

but something has gone terribly wrong.

as luck would have it, we were right next to a mechanic, so we decide to have him check it out. we watch some oprah while they discuss. our battery AND our alternator need to be replaced. let me just explain that yosemite wasn't bringing in the bucks enough for food most of the time, let enough bucks to fix someone else's car. we all throw in some cash, and shannon throws in her credit card. we decide to just replace the alternator, in hopes that that was the reason the battery was dying. it's all we could afford to do anyways. we drive to autozone, and they don't have the part we need. so, they tell us that we need to have our's rebuilt, and they direct us where to go. 30 minutes later, we arrive.

it was called the ranch of the living dead, and it had a huge black flag with a skull and cross bones. surely this wasn't the right place. but it was. we talk to him about prices and he follows us back to the mechanics and takes our alternator, while we sit and wait. good thing for us there was a bar next door. we ate some good cooking, played some music on the jukebox, and played some seriously old arcade games. we were there about five hours. we owned that bar, even though i was the only one of drinking age.

finally, we see the blue truck that took our baby away driving with a cloud of dust behind him. he is our new best friend. they put the alternator back in, and we are off. july. the desert. no air. no radio. and a packed out car.

we wrote a song. "i think we're in hell now." indeed we were. we still had 6 more hours to go with a faulty battery that made it's presence known with the strong smell of battery acid. egg.

no stopping unless we had to. that was the trick. our next stop was hours down the line. it was in kingman, az at a place called crazy fred's. crazy fred's whorehouse actually. we bought t-shirts because the idea of it was so amusing.

on the road again. this time, we only make it flagstaff, and our car is struggling. the smell is the worst it's been, and we still have 2 hours to go.

but make it we do. we pull up into ben's front yard about 9 that night, 15 hours later. we go to sleep in a real bed with air conditioning and real walls for the first time all summer, and wake to find that the car is dead. completely dead. to save money, the boys put it in themselves while me and shannon watch the labyrinth. later on, ben breaks up with his girlfriend, while we go to the mall in the middle of a dust storm. it felt just like home.

less than 12 hours later, we were on the road again. the road back was much less eventful, except for the gas station on route 66 that wouldn't give me my change back, the fact that mike still insisted that we ride with the windows down in july in the middle of desert, and the time that ben almost drove us over a cliff. but that will all have to be another story, for another time.

it was my bridge, and i could be found there almost every day at approximately 9:10 with a coffee yogurt and Jones soda. it was quiet on that bridge. the tourists were as numerous as the hours of sleep i had received the night before. after all, who has a need to go to the art shop or the bank when they weren't open, unless of course they were planning on robbing them? and who in their right mind would rob a building with a girl in polyester pants and a denim shirt standing guard in front of it? yep, that was my bridge, and sometimes it seemed that everyone else knew it. as the summer progressed, the little brook that ran parallel to the bridge slowly dried up. i would spend the majority of my break pondering what I would do if my shoe fell off into the still muddy crevice. the sun would shine brightly on my breaks, like the sun that greets you when you unzip your tent to walk into the morning, the smell of coffee and bacon beckoning you to explore further than the cocoon in your sleeping bag, all despite the brisk chill in the air. that was life on my bridge, minus the smell of bacon and coffee. hours later, my bridge wouldn't be so appealing. the tourists now would be as numerous as the potheads that kept me up the night before, and my mind would be elsewhere anyways. it would be focused on the post office. the steep walk up the hill was the least of my worries as i wondered if my far away love had written me, or if i had gotten letters from home, or better yet, packages. but the bridge didn't mind. it knew i would be there tomorrow, where it's beams shaded me not only from the sun, but from reality for a mere 15 minutes. it was my bridge indeed.

pearce had this on his blog, so i thought i would give it a try.

K	Kinky
I	Ideal
M	Mesmerizing

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

um...that's just awkward.