i have been thinking...reflecting...searching. and i have realized a truth that i despise. i have discovered my love for the valley. my acceptance of it's comfort, it's shallowness, it's walls. such walls...my life has lacked the discipline to look their danger in the eyes...to leave my comfortable valley...the valley that sheltered me so much that it suppressed me. the valley that swallowed me into the gut of contentment. a strange, disconserting contentment...one where i find no contenment at all. nothing at all for that matter. joy? peace? their names are far from my lips. a place far, far away...would i find them there? i think not. there are valleys even in paradise. i know the way out of the valley, but i am sick of using the emergency exits. i am tired of the empty vows, of the promises to get on my feet again, and once again finding myself days later, in the same spot. isn't it funny how comfort can be quicksand?? i wonder what would happen if i started doing only the things that made me uncomfortable. the idea in itself makes me cringe. would i find joy then? would i find myself again? only one way to find out. today, i am lacing up my boots, packing my water, and walking. walking until i find my self again. until i find my home...in somewhere other than the valley.

to go, or not to go. that is the question.

nothing is more cool than:

--having to walk through the drive-thru to get a coke
--knocking things over with your high kick when doing taebo
--bruising your nose on your desk when you try to lay your head down
--walking out of the house with two different shoes on
--asking the bank where they put your driver's license, and throwing a fit about it.......and then finding it in your car
--stapling the stapler to your sweater in your 5th period english class
--wearing the same outfit as your teacher
--wearing the same outfit of the boy with the flaring nostrils who has been in love with you for 6 years
--having the boy with the flaring nostrils tell everyone in your 1st period english class that you are wearing the same outfit
--chasing your straw around your cup with your tongue
--opening your peanuts on the plane, and having them fly EVERYWHERE
--waking yourself up on the plane because you were snoring....(hey, i was sick....)
--walking up the stairs in front of the guy you have been in love with for years...and having your shoe fall off...and you keep walking...trying to play it off
--driving through a red light because a cute guy in the turning lane starting driving
--walking into a locked door at taco bell cause you were staring at someone
--hitting the coke tab next to the one you want, so your hand gets sticky and wet, and your cup stays empty

on and on and on...life is a humorous, humorous thing. ah. i wouldn't have it any other way.

anyone else got some??

ok, public. i heard your cries. here i stand...sit rather...thinking, pondering, contemplating...wracking my brain for some sort of post. so...here is a list of my top ten favorite things, and a list of my top ten not so favorite things...

top ten favorite things:
1) naps...long naps...like the kind of naps that you have if you have taken a little bit too much nyquil...those naps...and there is nothing quite like the feeling of shaved legs and clean sheets...and unfortunately, i know that some of you boys know exactly what i am talking about
2) sunsets...the kind of sunsets that you can't help but sit silently in front of...breathing them in...admiring their excellence
3) baths...i know that all of you probably would have thought that i would put this in my top ten not so favorite list...but you were wrong. i love baths...baths on cold days...or after really sucky days of work...give me some denison witmer, a bath, and some candles, and the world is right again
4) shoes...i know...it's the typical girl response...but i have some serious emotional attatchments to almost every pair of shoes i own...and almost evey pair of shoes i don't
5) thinking...i love to sit and try to figure the world out. if i don't have thinking time each day, i become seriously disfunctional, which also happens if i have had too much thinking time each day...and nothing helps a good thinker out like a good ol' drive through the country with the windows down...
6) insight...to go along with the theme of one word and then the explination, i resolved to put insight...i love when the Lord reveals something to me...something very trite, or unexpected...when He shows me something that for years and years went unnoticed in stories in the Bible...and also in my own life...
7) music...uh, i don't feel that i should need to expand much further than this one word, because i feel that most of you who read this blog feel the same way about it...
8) candy...i love candy. seriously. i am a candy addict. i can feel my mood change when i need chocolate, or skittles...i love candy. that's all there is to it. sue me.
9) cloudy days...i love cloudy days like seniors love furr's. seniors and becky that is. cloudy days make everyday better...that is why, one day, i will pack up the good ol' tempo, along with my music, shoes, and my dog, and head for seattle
10) friends...they make me laugh harder than i make myself laugh...which is quite an accomplishment...you know who you are...

top ten not so favorite things:
1) waking up...there is nothing i hate more than being woken up in the morning...or the afternoon for that matter..especially when my mom comes in and sprays me with water...or turns on the light...or pulls the covers off...oh the rage in my heart
2) red beans and rice...okay...maybe i am five, but the thought of them makes me want to gag...let alone chew them up and swallow them
3) fish...refer to above explination
4) discover card...yeah, this one is probably my fault...but i owe my soul to discover...and my children's children's children souls as well
5) things that fly...i know that it is an irrational fear, but birds and bugs with wings...i will scream and run like richard simmons if they confront me
6) thunder storms...i am now wishing that i hadn't started this list...i feel like a serious loser...they just stress me out...the lightening more than anything...uh...i just feel nervous that because i am super tall, that the lightening will be attracted to me (like most things in nature are...especially boys...yeah...especially boys...)
7) tapered jeans...they are my nemisis...they suck every part of life in me when i see them rear their ugly head............can't.......breathe......
8) socks and sandals worn together....at the same time...refer to above explination
9) gas...getting gas that is...it makes me mad everytime i look at my gas tank and it is empty....what a ridiculous expense....don't even get me started
10) my good friends pressuring me to post something new...do you think c.s. lewis had something new to write everyday?? probably. but i don't.

welp, i am off to eat some serious food...it is friday after all...and i am going to party like it's 199....er...2004.

I am at a loss for words. I am in awe of how lost the lost are, and yet, how lost i find myself somtimes. How can I lead someone to Christ when I do not even know the direction? How can I be a light that is shown, if I do not have the fuel? It just goes to show that all that happens, and light that is shown or path that is chosen, has been orchestrated and goverened by none other than God. None other than God. Looking in my own life, it's hard to see resemblence of Christ...how can someone looking to point out my spiritual flaws, find anything more than what they are searching for?? Do I give them reason to search for something else?? Does my lack of this depict the fact that I myself do not completely believe in the transforming power of grace?? I am a walking contradiction...as we all are. I am a sinner saved by grace, enslaved by sin. It is very much still my master, although my bonds have already been paid in full. Sometimes I feel that all I do is bring disgrace to the name of Christ, and still He beckons me on. Still he calls me from the darkness, directs my feet, and rejoices over me all the while. My only remaining question is, "Father, why have you NOT forsaken me??" I deserve death, He gave life. I deserve abandonment, He gives faithfulness. For my wandering feet, He gives a straight and narrow path...boundaries clearly laid out. For the darkness of the world, He made me the light. For all that I am comes from Him, and all that I am not, He is. Can I be found in Him, when He cannot be found in me?? As illogical as it is, yes. Knowing all of my shortcomings, my failures, my flaws, He made me His bride. He chose me to bear His name.

this has been a day in the life and mind of kim johnson. thanks for listening. tune in next week, when i might post again.