i have been thinking...reflecting...searching. and i have realized a truth that i despise. i have discovered my love for the valley. my acceptance of it's comfort, it's shallowness, it's walls. such walls...my life has lacked the discipline to look their danger in the eyes...to leave my comfortable valley...the valley that sheltered me so much that it suppressed me. the valley that swallowed me into the gut of contentment. a strange, disconserting contentment...one where i find no contenment at all. nothing at all for that matter. joy? peace? their names are far from my lips. a place far, far away...would i find them there? i think not. there are valleys even in paradise. i know the way out of the valley, but i am sick of using the emergency exits. i am tired of the empty vows, of the promises to get on my feet again, and once again finding myself days later, in the same spot. isn't it funny how comfort can be quicksand?? i wonder what would happen if i started doing only the things that made me uncomfortable. the idea in itself makes me cringe. would i find joy then? would i find myself again? only one way to find out. today, i am lacing up my boots, packing my water, and walking. walking until i find my self again. until i find my home...in somewhere other than the valley.