so...this whole living by myself thing isn't proving to be so good on my mental health. i've always known that i had some melancholy in me...but now, i swear it's all i see.

i seemed to have forgotten that part of apartment 242 when i was remembering all the good times i had living alone. i now remember it quite well. it's extremely similar to the nervous breakdown of 2000 at lynn haney collection (lurker...i know you feel me on this one...).

so tonight...i put on my date make-up, fixed my hair, put on my nightgown, and my converse. i'm a pathetic sight right now. i really am. the only thing i am lacking is some pearls, a whiskey glass, and some really sad music.

oh wait...i have the really sad music. and the pearls. so...all i'm lacking is the whiskey glass.

i have found that my time in 2326 has given me way too much time to reflect on every area of my life that i fall short. and the fact that i have absolutely NO clue what to do with my life when my lease is up. and the fact that i am completely irresponsible in every aspect of my life. i pretty much wake up every morning remembering that i suck, and go to bed every night reminding myself to remember how much i suck in the morning.

to quote an overly quoted line of an overly quoted song, "it might be a quarter-life crisis." if so, i'm about 9 months early...and unfortunately, that means that i've got about another 21 months of this to go, until that blessed 26 finally rolls around and saves me from myself.

i just pictured myself at 26. my life was all too similar to samantha's in sex in the city...minus the sex, the really skinny body, and the dates. oh...and new york city. but everything else...yeah...that was the same.

so. this is me now. clueless. frustrated. annoyed. confused. regretful.

insane.

hey, but at least my hair and make-up look good.