tell me i'm crazy.

i sit in bed at night and pen out posts in my head...they are amazing pieces of literature, and then i get here to a computer (that i have to keep reconnecting to every 2 seconds)...and i've got nothing.

well, not really nothing...but what i have doesn't sound as good as when i am half asleep. i used to keep a notebook by my bed for these late night moments of genius, but now i am too lazy to write it all down.

i am in louisville now (sorry jeff...i got your message...sad to have missed my lovely taylor's). everything here is picturesque. nothing says winter like houses on hills covered in snow, with horses roaming on the semi-fenced-in lawns. it's scenes like this that leave my daydreaming mind in that exact state...and kentucky is all one big scene. i have been completely lost in thought the past two days...thoughts of my future life...not of anything that REALLY exists. at this point i think i am pushing crazy.

there was a family on the plane that was all too similar to what i imagine my future life being. i was fascinated with them, and i think she was a little freaked out by me...which is completely rational by the way. i got caught staring with glazed-over daydreamy eyes more than once.

who would that life be with you ask? yeah...exactly. and with that said, i must say that i don't think you ever really like someone unless they are on your mind when you are out of town.

therefore, i really like someone. but this someone doesn't fit into my above contemplated life. no. he doesn't. so, for your enjoyment, i am going to tell you what my life would be like if i married the "options" that i have at the current moment. i am semi-enthralled with the fact that each person would bring out such a different aspect of me out...if that makes any sense.

newly realized crush...code name v-tech. why v-tech? cause he looks exactly like the kid on the v-tech commercials...you know the one with the mom that's like "you'll never get into college if you don't play your video games!" and the kids have this shocked look on their faces. yeah, so me and v-tech would live the kim/molly/heather dream life. life on the road. a "band" guy. we would live in a loft in the city, have kids really late in life (that would no doubt look exactly like the kid in the commercial), and have a dog that we took on the road with us. but there are always the things that throw off the dream life. he has a harley. yeah...a harley. kim? a biker-chick? i would never have guessed it, but who would have thought jana would be one either? v and kim tech.

then there's maurice. no. never. he's not an option. BUT for the sake of my blog, i will give you the hypothetical life of maurice and kim. maurice and i would live the money chasing life with a side of heavy "chillin"...for lack of better word. we would do a lot of camping, but would come home to our pottery barn furnished house and our jettas. we would not have kids and would probably still have a dog. this life is not for me...at least not with maurice. maurice is jed reincarnated. no thanks. i like to think that i learn from my mistakes. my life would be numurous days of insecurity and guy mode...two things i try to at least keep in check, if not avoid.

then, there's josh. i say this, cause he looks a little like josh groban...a connection i would rather not make...but it keeps his identity secret none the less (except to becky...) josh and i would forever live the college lifestyle...staying up late...waking up late...renting some property that we can barely furnish. we would probably have kids really early on cause we were too busy "playing" and not "planning." downside of josh...he's pushing alcoholic. i try to avoid drama in my life (unlike heather...).

those are pretty much my "options" and my real-life psycho thoughts. if i "opt" to not get married (or it "opts" me), me and adam have decided that i will win the lottery and we will live a life of surfing and snowboarding in california. and maybe that is how life should be.