i'll take you back to a little place i like to call, memory lane. for all of those sicked out by bodily functions that have not already stopped reading, you might want to now. it's about to get dirty.

so. i have been at camp for about a half a week. my stomach hurts. why?, you ask. well...it seems that my poop has stage fright when sharing a cabin with 25 other girls. so. a half a week worth of poop, and i'm dying. me and my friend are walking alone back to our cabin, and i decide to let a fart out while it's just us two. but little did i know that letting a fart out would be much more drama than it at first seemed. there i was. poopy. in front of my friend. lucky for me, some 8th grade boy had done the same thing. so...no one had to know that that smell was coming from our side of the cabin too.

11th grade. i awake from my deep slumber with a sudden urge to pee. i was in the mental state of: "it's okay. i can be late to work today.", or "i can sleep in, i am already ready."....if only it had been one of those situations. this particular day, it was "it's okay, you ARE in the bathroom." lies. all lies. i proceed to pee. in my bed. and then i realize it. the shame rushes over me like a flood, and suddenly, i am very awake. what's worse than the fact that i peed my bed in 11th grade? i shared a room with my sister, and had to let her know what i had just done.

sophmore year of college. it's summer. and that summer, we spent every night at the volleyball court. most likely one of the muggiest summers in lubbock, and also, the summer of the last day i drank mountain dew. the cursed drink that caused my bladder to be lazy, and my name to be smeared. i felt the urge to pee in the middle of game and started walking to the bathroom. apparently my bladder was very excited that we were in the bathroom, and so she started to let it all out. mugginess + cotton pants + a party bladder = disaster. so, 192 ounces of mountain dew later, and i have wet pants. not only do i still have to go show my face to my friends out on the volleyball court, but i have to ride home...in pee pants.

same night. living room. i am standing there watching a pyromaniac's love story, and suddenly, my pants are wet. i didn't even see it coming. right then and there, i took an oath to never drink mountain dew as long as i live. not a big loss, if you ask me.

so, it breaks down like so:

8th grade. camp. i pooped in my pants.

11th grade. bed. i peed in it.

sophmore year of college. bathroom AND living room. i peed in my pants.

seriously. this should not be so.